What Thin People Don't Understand

On Saturday night David and I went to a 21st birthday. His cousin Jack's birthday. Before we left I got myself into a bit of a state because I did not want to go. This has happened a bit over the past few years.

When I try to explain to David I don't want to go somewhere because of my weight he tells me I am being stupid. And believe me, when I feel like this I feel stupid. I get so angry with myself that I have let myself get into this state and how I let my weight control my life and my feelings. I think "why haven't you done something about this?"

Here is how my weight controlled Saturday night.

I worried about what I would wear. Nothing in my wardrobe fits and the things that do fit I look terrible in.

I worried that we would get a car park close to the venue because I cannot walk very far carrying all of this weight.

I worried if there would be stairs there and would I get up them ok, and what if people were behind me and what if I was really puffed when I got up to the top.

I worried if there would be chairs there and so, would I fit in them? And if not, how long would I last standing up?

I worried about David's family thinking what the hell he is doing with me when he could have someone much nicer.

I started worrying about all of this as soon as we got the invitation, but started really sweating about it on Friday and Saturday. I even cried!!

Anyway, it all turned out ok. I managed the stairs fine (did not get too puffed), I was able to stand longer than I thought I could and the walk to the car was fine (a few months ago it would not have been fine). I even thought I looked ok in what I was wearing because losing the bit of weight I have, made me a little bit more comfortable.

So all of this must be working. Slowly, but it is working.

Right on!