So Farkin' Fat

I avoid mirrors and looking at photos of myself as much as I can. I live in denial. It is another way I had set myself up for failure in the past. If I could not see it, then it wasn’t there.

Well yesterday, we looked at all of the pictures and videos from our cruise. There I was in all of my morbidly obese glory. I hardly recognised myself because my face is so fat. I am lost in there somewhere. The only way I knew it was me is because I was the only short arse.

I wanted to leave the room or turn the video off because I was so embarrassed, but then I realised that this is how everyone else sees me all the time. It is just me who does not face up to it.

 When I see pictures of myself I usually think “God I am never going to do it, I just have so much to lose.” But this time I am thinking “well in another six months I am going to look and feel so much better, so COME ON…LET”S FUCKING DO THIS.”

I cannot wait to lose the next chunk of weight.